When I became single last August of 2016, I realized how many couple stuff I have been missing out.

I don’t know why I just noticed how many couple stuff I’ve been missing out after ending my 7 year relationship but I did. I mean, you’d think we’ve done it all after ending it, right? Sad to say, we didn’t. It wasn’t as if the relationship was a drag the whole time but by the end of it, when I was asking (practically begging) for us to do things together, he was just not there.

He was unsupportive, unresponsive, and all the other “UN”s out there you can possibly think of. It wasn’t fun anymore. It was strenuous and the only reason I kept everything together was cause I was such a martyr for so long thinking we would work.

We didn’t.

I started realizing the stuff I’ve been missing out were common within people in relationships and it made me question if I was trapped in an unhealthy relationship (which I was!)

Both of my best friends have boyfriends. Sometimes, I start to think that they feel a little bad for me or something, since they tend to ask me to come along when they plan to double date. And yes, I come along because they can be so persistent it’s very hard to say no. and double yes, the activities they do are often too fun to say no to.

Maybe I’m just being way to paranoid and I haven’t really noticed it happening before since I had a boyfriend too. Maybe we also had this phase too when my ex and I started dating. I can’t remember. The relationship had ups and downs (and downs and downs and downs) but despite that I grew wiser and [hopefully] better.

My friends haven’t been in a relationship as long as I have but they are older than me. They’ve made me realized how fun a relationship can be without too much [physical] intimacy. We went out to eat, watched movies, went on trips, goofed around talking, went to clubs, partied, and more. I must have done a few of these but not as often. Not as memorable.

I just feel a little bad that I get to do these things by being the 5th wheel. In all honesty, I haven’t even experienced being single since I was thirteen. So its a little overwhelming for me not to come home to somebody or talk to somebody or have anyone I can call mine in a way. It’s not all bad but it’s a little lonely even if I did have so many friends surrounding me. I did read somewhere that if I crave for a relationship so much it means that I definitely don’t need it right now.

I guess I have to enjoy what I got for now and just wing it. Besides, I don’t think I’ll ever have this experience forever. riiiiight?

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